A little bit of this and a lot of that...

Oh wow. It's been a while since I've written a blog! 12 hours of school and 2 little boys keep me mighty busy!

Well, school's going great. I was able to bring my GPA up this semester to a 2.13. I know that's still not very good, but it was a 1.08 from the first time I tried the school thing. I made an A in my criminal justice class! My CJ teacher is the bomb.com. I'm really ready to go back to school. I go back the 19th, and I'm taking 2 criminal justice classes, PE online and world lit online. This should be and easy semester aside from the world lit....YUCK!

I've lost 33 pounds since July! Finally after losing 33 pounds I went down a jeans size. I still have about 20 to go. I'll get there soon enough. I just wish cupcakes and celery had the same calorie value...

The kids are doing very well. L is doing exceptionally well in school. He's so smart! G is a mad man. Today he found out how much fun toilet paper can be. It was everywhere. He also found my wallet so everything that was in there isn't anymore. He's like a ferret when he finds something he likes he hides it. He climbs onto everything. He's pretty much unstoppable. Poor baby has to see an ear, nose, and throat doctor next week. He wasn't sick one time for the first year of his life. Then he turns one and he's had an ear infection pretty much none stop since. I really don't want him to have surgery, but I know that if he has to have tubes that it will make him MUCH better!

Our first court date is coming up. I'm not in trouble. It's a custody hearing or whatever they call them. It's crap really. I believe there should be a law that if sperm donors dont have anything to do with their children for the first year of their life then they should never be able to. Everyone says don't drag it out, it's bad on the kids. Well, he's one and will not know. I will do anything in my power to protect my babies, and if fighting for him is what I have to do. It's what I'm going to do. I'm sure that one day he'll thank me for it. On the other hand I have come to except the fact that visitation is clearly a possibility, and that I may have to hand my baby off to someone that is a stranger to him. My prayer is that if it comes to that, that God will send angels with him everytime he has to go, that this man will not hurt my baby, and that I will have peace through it all. I gave this situation to God a long time ago, and I have to continue trusting in him that whatever happens is best. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Harder than quitting drinking or drugs, beef jerky or cokes. For the last 14 months I have cared for, loved, changed, fed, and doctored my baby, and now he wants to see him. The nerve of some people.

I know there is a lot of different topics in this blog, but I havent blogged in quite sometime.

Have a good weekend, May God Bless you

If you're reading this please keep me and G in your prayers next week.

Hey everyone!! I'm still alive. I've just been very busy. I started school two weeks ago. I think this is the first time in my life that I've gone to school 2 weeks in a row without missing one day. School is going very well. I struggled at first probably because I haven't been in a classroom in 7 years. But I have the hang of it now. Making good grades. These little summer sessions are crazy fast. I have homework everynight, and usually lots of it. I'm gonna make it though. Kind of rethinking the whole probation officer thing. They do not make much money, and someone is going to have to take care of my parents when theyre really old. So who knows. I have a while before I have to commit to a major. I know this is a really short blog, but nothing great has happened lately...Just school

It's just milk. The world's not short on cows....

I blogged yesterday and ended up deleting it because I didn't want to hurt anyones feelings. So I'll try to get my point across without being so blunt. And lets remember....This is my blog and I'm free to write what I want.

Apparently my family is too big for everyone to get along all the time, but this little bit of crap has been going on too long and needs to stop. Does anyone really have to ask why dad goes to the barn everynight? I think it's pretty obvious. If I couldn't even get a glass of milk in my own house without someone complaining about it. I'd sit at the barn too. And do you really have to ask why he's so grumpy? I don't. He can hardly do anything without someone making a comment when he walks away. Nobody knows how much this hurts me. I hate for him to be treated this way. How would you feel if every move you made someone turned their nose up at you? I can imagine it wouldn't feel very good. Maybe some of it is my fault also. Maybe he's upset that me and my two kids still live with him, and we get on his nerves. No one will ever know because nobody knows how to have a conversation in this house without it starting a fight. Moral of my story. If there is nothing you can do about the actions of others, and they aren't hurting you....Keep your mouth shut about them because other people don't wanna hear it.
So let's just give him a break ok? Let him come in the house and be happy for crying out loud. He's being pushed away by all the ugliness. You're gonna miss him when he's gone. Family shouldn't act that way toward one another.

LEV 19:18 Do not seek revenge or hold a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.

MATT 19:19 honor your father and mother and love your neighbor as yourself.

LUKE 6:31 Do to others as you would have them do to you.

Time for school!

What a day yesterday! I had an appointment with my college counselor. After talking to her for about 2 minutes she informs me that I have a hold on my account from a previous semester at college that I didn't completely pay for. Went to the cashier to pay the hold and she tells me you can't pay for holds with a check. I almost burst into tears!!!! With a hold you can't DO ANYTHING! Sooo I did not know what to do. When I don't know what to do, and there is money involved...There's only a few people I can call. I called my daddy. Luckily, he was in the same town as the college and came to save the day! I was so relieved. I almost cried again. I do not know what I would do without my parents. I finally got it taken care of with the help of my daddy. I got registered for Summer 1 and 2 classes as well as the fall. I sooo excited. I really thought I would have years of basics to do before I saw my first Criminal Justice class. Well, I was wrong again. My first CJ class is this fall. YAY.

Tom had 2 soccer games today. He did so good! At the first one he was goalie and saved the ball about 4 times. Of course I was close by for some coaching. At the second he kicked the ball once. We celebrated. It's been a long few days. I'm tuckered!

Have a good Sunday!!

Surprise TOM

The guy from way back when turned out to be a TOTAL jerk. He told me I have anger issues. Not the first time I've heard that, and I can't say that I disagree.

Good news! Me and Tom are getting a puppy tonight! I can't wait. I wonder what he'll want to name it. Probably Ogre. That's what he wanted to name his little brother. Such a silly goose. The puppy is half lab and half German Shepherd. He should be very smart and a good guard dog. Just what I wanted. Way too many people that don't like me know where I live. Too bad you can't enter the witness protection program for pissing people off. They would've shipped me off long ago! I think I finally talked dad into letting me get one since his dog ATE my bunny. If he doesn't feel bad he should. hehe

All this college stuff is sooo confusing! I don't know what classes I need to take now and which ones I don't. I don't know if there is a limit on how many hours you can take during the summer mini's. I'm pretty darn smart and want to get it over with. In a few short years I will be one of the meanest most understanding probation officer's ever. I've pretty much been on probation for the past 3 years of my life. Once for theft, and twice for DWI's. I started stealing at a very young age and did it until I got caught. After that I never stole again. Too bad I didn't learn my lesson with my first DWI. I had to get 2 of those before I learned. If I get another one they'll send me to the pen. I'm too pretty to go to the pen. Some big lezzy would make me be her girlfriend I'm sure. YIKES!

In August I will be OFF probation. I completed 6 months of probation in one county a while back without one violation. In August is when the 18 month probation will be over. Not one violation on it either. When I was on probation for theft. I violated about every other month. My P.O. gave me weekends in jail everytime. I think I did 9 or 10 before I got a DWI and served 42 days in county jail for probation revocation. My P.O. saw me at Grahams with my sister once, got weekends in jail for that. Then someone would call him and tell him they saw me drinking and I'd get more. (I'm pretty sure I know who you are too. You'll get what's coming to you.) Finally that person called him and told him I was dating a felon. The judge gave me 6 more months probation and 2 weekends in jail. I served one of the two before it was revoked. For those of you who don't know. When you're on probation you have a WHOLE other set of laws to abide by. Don't date a felon is on the list. As well as, don't go to Grahams, don't drink, don't cross state lines, and don't break the law. I 'm pretty sure I did all of those. I got what I deserved. I deserved to go to jail. But those days are over, and I'm very thankful for that man I thought was so mean when I was on probation with him. He's the one that told me about Narcotics Anonymous. So, I kind of owe it all to him. Thanks short bald man with no fingernails!!!

STUPID DOG!!!

Got reunited with an old friend through Myspace the other day. It's a boy. We went to school together like 20 years ago. (really 20 years ago. I was 5 or 6.) He was the first boy I ever thought was cute. Anyway, we talked for a few days. Then he mentioned drinking. When I told him that I don't drink he decided he really didn't want to talk to me anymore. ugh. Whatever. I don't really want to date someone who drinks, and I for sure do not want to date another addict. I really wish I wasn't an addict. Makes me feel like a freak. Like I have to explain my whole life story every time I meet someone new. Like everyone is walking on egg shells around me not to mention a drink or drug or I'll run out and relapse. Or when I do something they say, "That's addict behavior." No wonder I'm not remarried, and I live at home with my parents. Apparently there is still a ton wrong with me. I know one thing for sure. I'll never be cured. As hard as it for me...I have to accept that I'm an addict. Only recovering now.

I walked outside to smoke today. Yes, I'm a smoker and yes I know it's gross. I'd love to quit but it's sooo hard. When I walked out to smoke. There was my sweet little bunny...DEAD. I was traumatized. 45 minutes earlier when I went outside. It wasn't there. Thanks again Cinchy. So now I think I need a dog. Since dad is the one that wont let me have one and his dog ATE my bunny!

And I chipped a tooth...Time for bed...Thank goodness!!!!!

Happy Monday

What an amazing day yesterday!!! I got to see all of my nephews. Soccer games in the morning. Those are always fun. Tom (my oldest) thinks that if he is even hardly touched that he MUST fall down. He's sooo dramatic. He actually kicked the ball! Once. And then ran off the field to holler, "Momma!! I kicked it! Did you see me!" At his first game he screamed at me from across the field, "Momma I need to ask you something! (looking at the sky in the middle of the game) What kind of clouds are those?" He's pretty airheaded at times.

After soccer my BFF came over and we went to Longview for some shots, and Starbucks!!! (I'm slightly addicted to their caramel frappacino. Oh and beef jerky, but that's a story for a different day)

My family came over for my brother's birthday. We had mom's famous green enchiladas that we only get for Big bro's birthday and Christmas. They were delicious! I had A BLAST with Tom, and my two nephews. Got a good work out in the meanwhile. We played baseball or something like it. Mostly me hitting the balls as far as I could and watching them scatter to find them. We all had fun though. I can't wait to do it again. Big bro and BFF even played for a few minutes.

My BFF caught a baby rabbit. I really wanted to keep it, but mom said when you catch a wild rabbit then wont eat. I kept him for a few hours but he wouldn't move. He didn't move until lil bro started messing with it. Then his girlfriend let it go in the living room. Lots of squealing and laughter later. We caught it, and I let it go. I hope he found his mommy or daddy. (sad face) I just really want a pet. Mom says, "You have two kids! You don't need a pet." Dad says, "Get your own house and you can have all the pets you want..." I'm just tired of going to bed alone everynight. Apparently it's going to be like that for a long time. I want a dog or cat that will sleep with me. A papillon is really what I want. (google it. They're soooo cute!) I could bring home another ferrett and see how daddy likes that. But that would be ummm whatever the word is for it. My sis-in-law would know.. She's smart. But I'm not like that anymore, so I must obey my parents.

Happy Sunday!