Complacency

Today was good though uneventful. Well kind of. Went to a meeting. The topic was complacency. It's funny how almost every time I go to a meeting I hear exactly what I need to hear. I know that when I get complacent. I get angry, and very irritable. Everyone annoys me and I want to choke everyone. I really need to attend more meetings, but it's hard for me to leave my babies. This is a new feeling. 2 years ago I wouldn't think twice about leaving my big boy to go MIA for the weekend getting highly intoxicated and going to the club. When I was gone he would hardly cross my mind. I was sick very sick, so caught up in the disease of addiction that I didn't know left from right most of the time. Sometimes I think God gave me my youngest so that I could give him what I never gave my oldest. Memories that I don't remember with him or never made with him because of drugs. I have no recollection of the first 2 and a half years of his life. When I think about this it makes me ill. All I can do now is cherish every moment I have with him and make new memories in place of the ones forgotten. I can't help but feel bad for it but God has brought me so far in the past 19 months I have sober that it amazes me. I did not know I was capable of having all of these feelings because for so long they were covered up with booze and pills. I'm not uncomfortable sharing these experiences because I know I'm not the only one.